


Sorry

by tabbytabbytabby



Category: 9-1-1 (TV)
Genre: 9-1-1 Season 3, Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, First Kiss, In Which The Author Wants To Knock Some Sense Into Both Idiots, Love Confessions, M/M, Misunderstandings, Pining, Post-Canon, Season/Series 03
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-15
Updated: 2020-09-15
Packaged: 2021-03-06 17:54:27
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,495
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26472967
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/tabbytabbytabby/pseuds/tabbytabbytabby
Summary: Eddie and Buck finally share a night together, and Eddie is sure things can only go up from there. Until he wakes up the next morning and he realizes just how wrong he was.
Relationships: Evan "Buck" Buckley/Eddie Diaz (9-1-1 TV)
Comments: 23
Kudos: 322





	Sorry

It all seems to happen in a blur. One night they’re drinking and laughing and taking silly photos at Bobby and Athena’s. The next they’re stumbling into Eddie’s living room, still laughing as they press in close to one another. As if any amount of distance is too small. Something they quickly rectify when they make it to Eddie’s bed and their clothes line the floor. It’s all a series of hands and lips and moans. Things Eddie has been dreaming about for so long now.

It’s hard to believe it’s all really happening. He really has this. He has Buck. And Buck… god he’s just so damn gorgeous. Being with him is everything and nothing like he expected. He falls asleep with him in his arms, listening to his quiet breathing and thinking about all the ways this is going to change things. But it’s always for the better. 

He’ll get to wake up with Buck beside him and kiss the crease between his eyes. They’ll make breakfast together and then spend the day curled up on the couch until Christopher gets home. Then they’ll all make dinner together. It’ll be perfect.

Except when Eddie wakes up in the morning, the bed is empty and Buck is gone. The only signs that he'd even been there at all are the rumpled sheets and a note sitting on the bed where last night he'd slept. On it are two words, so simple but they pierce through Eddie's heart all the same: _I'm sorry._

Eddie sucks in a breath, the ringing in his ears so loud that he can barely hear the sob that escapes him. But he can feel it as it's all but torn out of him. 

Buck is gone. They'd spent the night together. They'd had sex and Buck had just left him. He'd scurried off without even saying goodbye and only left him this damn note. If you can even call a two word, cheap ass apology a note. 

Eddie's sadness is replaced with something else. Anger. How dare Buck do this to him? Just leave him after the night they had with only a note. As if Eddie was nothing but a cheap lay. The thought stings. He thought they were more than that. Apparently he was wrong. Apparently all the words Buck whispered into his skin last night had meant nothing. At least to Buck.

They don’t talk for a week. Not really. They communicate when they have to on shift, but otherwise they avoid each other. And it stings. Eddie hates the distance between them. He hates the way Buck avoids his gaze and never seems to smile. He wants to fix it, but then he remembers that Buck is the one that did this. He just left without a word or explanation. Like Eddie was nothing. 

So Eddie keeps his silence. He’s civil with Buck but he doesn’t engage in the easy conversation they used to. He knows the rest of the team notices. He can feel the way they watch both him and Buck, probably trying to figure out what happened to cause this distance between them. 

Eddie wishes he had someone he could talk to about it. But the one person he’d normally go to is icing him out. So he’s stuck, stewing through it all on his own. 

At least until two weeks after the incident Bobby pulls him aside after shift, “Eddie, hold on just a minute.”

“Yeah Cap?”

“I need to talk to you,” Bobby tells him. He nods his head towards the stairs and Eddie follows him up. Luckily no one is up here yet, giving them some privacy. Bobby sits down and nods his head towards the chair next to him. “Sit.”

His tone leaves no room for argument. Not that Eddie was going to. “What’s going on?”

“I was hoping you could tell me that,” Bobby tells him.

“What do you mean?”

“You and Buck,” Bobby says, and Eddie winces. Bobby sighs. “Yeah, see? That’s what I mean. Something is going on between the two of you and you need to work it.”

“I don’t need to do anything, he’s the one that…” Eddie stops, holding the words back. It’s not exactly professional to blurt out to his Captain that he slept with a coworker. But that’s not really what they are. What any of them are. And maybe that’s the problem. Maybe he got too comfortable, too familiar. And now he’s screwed it all up and made things uncomfortable for the rest of the team.

“So he did do something,” Bobby guesses.

Eddie nods, “Yeah, but it’s… look I’m sorry if things have been uncomfortable for the team. I don’t want that. So if I need to transfer…”

“Transfer?” Bobby says. “No one is asking you to transfer. I just want you two to talk this out. Whatever it is, surely you can fix it.”

Eddie sighs, “I want to, but I don’t know how.”

“Eddie what happened?” Bobby asks. “I’m asking your friend here, not your captain.”

Eddie is silent for a moment, weighing his options. He looks towards the ceiling and takes a deep breath. “Buck and I had sex.”

“Well finally,” Bobby says, causing Eddie’s gaze to snap back to him. “Sorry. We’ve all just been waiting for it to happen.”

“Yeah me too,” Eddie mutters. “But that’s all it was.”

“What do you mean?” Bobby asks.

“Buck left, Bobby,” Eddie says. “I woke up the next morning and he was gone and all there was in his place was a note that I’m sorry. He’s been avoiding me ever since. So yeah, maybe I’ve been…” _in love_. “I’ve liked Buck for a while, but he’s clearly not as into me as I am him.”

“You can’t really think that,” Bobby says.

“I do, otherwise he wouldn’t have left.”

“Have you tried talking to him?” Bobby asks him. “Maybe hearing his side of things.”

“When I came in that first day after, Buck wouldn’t even look at me,” Eddie says. “He acted like I wasn’t even in the room, and couldn’t get away from me fast enough. I’m not going to force my presence on him. Not when he clearly doesn’t want him around.”

“That is bullshit,” Bobby says, surprising Eddie with his bluntness. “Of course Buck wants you around. I can tell this has been eating him up as much as it has you.”

“Then why hasn’t he said anything?” Eddie asks.

“Why haven’t you?” Bobby counters. “Maybe he thinks you don’t want anything to do with him after what happened.”

“I just want my best friend back,” Eddie whispers.

“Then tell him that. _Talk_ to him.”

Eddie knows he’s right. He should talk to Buck. It’s long past time they hash this out. They owe it to themselves and each other to figure it all out. And Christopher. He’s been missing Buck like crazy and Eddie has hated every time he’s had to tell Christopher no when he asked if Buck could come over.

Eddie nods, “You’re right. We should talk.”

“Good,” Bobby says. “And I don’t mean overthink it. I want this all sorted out by next shift?”

“Or what?” Eddie asks before he can stop himself.

“Or I’ll lock you two in a room until you do talk,” Bobby says. Eddie has no doubt he would.

“We’ll talk,” Eddie tells him. “Or I’ll try and talk to him. I can’t make any promises for Buck.”

“He’ll talk to you,” Bobby says. “Trust me.”

Even knowing how much this needs to happen, Eddie’s nerves are still a mess as he drives to Buck’s apartment. He almost turns around five times on the way there, including when he pulls into the parking lot and sees Buck’s jeep outside.

But he doesn’t. He gets out of his truck and walks the short distance to the door then down the hall to the elevator. Each step seems like too much yet not enough distance between them. He almost turns around again at the door, but instead brings his fist to it and knocks twice. 

Each second that ticks by as he waits for it to open seems to take a lifetime. It hits him suddenly how off it is knocking. He hasn’t knocked on Buck’s door in ages. Not since they exchanged keys and their homes became as much each other’s as their own. 

The door swings open and Buck is there. His hair is damp, and his shirt clinging slightly to his chest. Eddie has to make himself look away. He must have just caught him after a shower.

“Eddie?” Buck questions.

And god Eddie has missed the sound of his voice. Sure, he hears it at work. But not like this. “Can I come in?” Eddie asks.

Buck nods and steps back. He shuts the door behind them and then leads the way into the living room, where he sits on the couch and rests his arms on his legs. Eddie hesitates a moment before taking a seat next to him. It’s further apart than he would usually sit, and heels each inch separating them. 

“We need to talk,” Eddie says. He glances at Buck, but Buck is still looking straight ahead, his shoulders hunched. 

“Yeah I know,” Buck says.

Eddie suddenly doesn’t know where to start. What is he supposed to say? How does he even begin to have this conversation with Buck?

“I’m sorry,” Buck says.

Eddie winces at the words. Words he’s been repeating in his head each day since he woke up and found that damn note. “Yeah so you said you.”

It’s Buck’s turn to wince, “Yeah, that wasn’t…” he takes a deep breath and runs a hand down his face. “I could have handled that better.”

“I just wish you would have talked to me,” Eddie tells him. “If sex was all you wanted, you should have said so. It would hurt, but I would have understood. It would have been better than waking up and you just not being there.”

“Wait, hold up,” Buck says. “You think I left because it was just sex to me?”

“Wasn’t it?” Eddie asks.

“No,” Buck says. He turns to face Eddie, his eyes wide and pleading, as if he’s begging Eddie to understand. Eddie is trying to. “Eddie, it could never be just sex with you.”

“Then why would you leave?” Eddie asks.

“I was afraid I screwed things up,” Buck says. “That I crossed a line and let my feelings get in the way and ruined everything.”

“Your feelings?” Eddie asks.

“Yeah, Eddie. I thought it was pretty obvious how much I’m in love with you,” Buck says.

Eddie laughs. He can’t help it. Not at Buck’s words, but at the absurdity of the situation. “And here I was worried I’d been too obvious with my feelings for you and scared you off.”

“Never,” Buck tells him. “You could never scare me off.”

“So what you’re saying is we’re both idiots who should have just talked sooner,” Eddie says.

Buck smiles, “Seems like it.”

Eddie returns the smile and leans in closer, “Can I tell you something?”

“Anything,” Buck says.

Eddie brings his hand up to Buck’s cheek, “I love you too.”

“Oh good,” Buck says. “I was hoping that was what you meant when you said you had feelings for me.”

“Oh I’ve been feeling a lot of things for you,” Eddie says. “That’s just one of them.”

“Do I want to know the other things?” Buck asks.

“I’m not sure,” Eddie says.

“You know you can tell me,” Buck says. “I want to know what you’re feeling.”

Eddie nods. Buck deserves to know. It won’t help either of them for him to keep all this bottled up. He needs to get it out there in the open so they can move on.

“At first I was sad,” Eddie admits. “I woke up and you were gone, and then I was angry and confused. I couldn’t understand why you’d just leave. I’d had this dream of waking up with you in my arms, and then you weren’t there.”

“Eddie…”

“Let me finish,” Eddie says. “I missed you, so much. Every time I saw you I just wanted to reach out. To talk to you. Just be near you. But it felt like you wanted nothing to do with me. I know that’s not true now. And that we were both being idiots, but it still hurt.”

“I am sorry,” Buck says. “I never meant to hurt you, but I panicked. I woke up and thought I’d screwed things up again. And my head kept telling me I should get out of there before you could let me down and tell me you didn’t want me.”

“Buck, if I didn’t want you, I never would have brought you into my bed,” Eddie says. “That’s not something I just do. It was a big step. I know we were drinking, and I wish it could have happened under different circumstances, but I could never regret being with you.”

“I don’t regret it either,” Buck says. “I only have one regret about our night together, and that’s walking away. But I promise you, I will never do that again.”

“Good,” Eddie says. “Because I don’t think my heart could take that again.”

And it’s the truth. Talking about his feelings has never been easy for him, but he needs Buck to know, to understand, what all of this means to him. What _he_ means to him. 

“I love you,” Eddie tells him. “And I promise, I will always want you to stay.”

“A big promise,” Buck says.

“I mean it,” Eddie says. “If this is what you really want…”

“It is,” Buck says. “I love you, and Christopher. You’re my family. I’ve missed you both so much.”

“Well then, you’ll just have to come with me to pick him up in the morning.”

“Is that right?” Buck asks, leaning in closer. “And how am I going to be with you in the morning.”

“Well, I was hoping I could stay here tonight,” Eddie says. “We don’t have to do anything. We can just talk or…”

Buck kisses him, slow and deep, and for a moment Eddie forgets how to breathe let alone think. Then Buck is pulling back, his smile bright as the sun. “I’d love it if you stayed. Not just tonight, but you know, forever.”

Eddie chuckles, “Now who’s making big promises.”

“Hmm but I mean it,” Buck says. “I made the mistake of leaving you once, okay twice, but I won’t do it again. You’re kind of stuck with me now.”

Eddie could think of a lot worse things than to be stuck with Evan Buckley. Sure, they still have a lot to talk about and figure out, but for now he’s just happy being here, wrapped up in Buck’s arms. There’s no place else he’d rather be.

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading! Kudos/comments make my day 💜  
> You can find me [here on tumblr](http://tabbytabbytabby.tumblr.com/)


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